i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
