My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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