wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
