Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
