So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I am one with the molecules
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
