Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
