You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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