So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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