I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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