i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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