"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
