woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
