i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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