i was born a porn star she said
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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