He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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