I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood and glitter go together right?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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