Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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