hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
