dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
