I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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