My Higher Power is John Stamos
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Randomize
