just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
