I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
