How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
