I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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