i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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