just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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