you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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