I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
