That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
