you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
