I am full of burrito and curiosity
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
