Having a random hookup so left but love u
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
