Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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