i think my mom watched the whole time
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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