the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I want her autograph on my taint
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
