omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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