My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Pants are for mortals
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
