how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
