Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
