Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
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I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
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New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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