have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
