I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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