just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
