Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
how do flat chested girls get laid?
This house was built for laser tag.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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