It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
