i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
