he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
