if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
