I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just had sex on a roof
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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