I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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