google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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