Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
