She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
