I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
