someone owes me an orgasm
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.