what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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