Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
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If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
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The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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