So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Green mimosas i think yes
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
do nipples grow back?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
