I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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