Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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