WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
