Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
