Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
