battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
