All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
