So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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