i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
