I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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