my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
