how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dating After Heartbreak
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.