Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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