She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
