I swear she didn't look like that last week.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
